Saturday, 31 October 2009

Time Travel Tips

In his last post, Matt bought up the possibility that he would be transported back in time. I have therefore decided to offer some handy suggestions to him, or indeed to anyone who finds themselves transported into the distant past. To start with, I will tell you why all your treasured ideas will actually result in you getting painfully screwed.

1. "I know! I'll sell my technological knowledge. I'll be like a god to those superstitious fools!"

Well, overlooking for now that you can't speak the language, there is a bigger problem: You don't know anything about technology either. Do you know how to make gunpowder? Maybe, but do you know how to refine and cast metal? Do you know where to get sulphur from? Do you, in short, know everything about every stage of the production of anything except, say, baskets? You do? That's great! The problem now is that you will be like a god to those superstitious fools. Do you know what else you look like? A witch! Or, at the very least, you look like a serious threat to whatever despot is in charge of your chosen corner of the world. How's your steam engine going to help you when they shoot you in the neck with an arrow? You are, in short, a dead man. Plus the past smells really bad.

Ok, that's the first time travel tip! More tomorrow.


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